Preparing For Death Essay, Research Paper
When I began researching for this paper, I thought I was writing a paper
about the affect of AIDS on a person’s life. I drove to Detroit and met
with my friend Jake, who was recently diagnosed with HIV. As I talked
to him, his courage and positive outlook startled me. He had gained an
amazing attitude about life fulfillment, love and appreciation. Jake had
become a totally new person. He now appreciated everything in his life,
found meaning in what he did and really lived every minute that he had.
This caused me to look at the way that I live my life. I realized that most
of the time in my life is spent waiting for time to pass. Learning about
this new insight into life caused me to change my topic for this paper. I
was now interested in discovering all that I could about how death can
affect life. My new question was: How can the awareness of death help
me to enhance the way that I live my life?
If I were to ever discover that I had a terminal illness, I always
pictured that it would consume my life. I always thought that I would
spend every moment depressed, waiting to die. But after I talked to Jake
for a while I discovered that facing death can enhance the way a person
lives their life in so many ways. Instead of living his average life, Jake
had transformed his life into a life of meaning. Each day he appreciates
all the things around him. When he goes to work he is working towards
his goal. He has made plans for travel, and many other things to look
forward to. He has accepted love into his heart and feels it like he never
thought possible. Just talking to Jake I was able to see and feel so much
different about him. He gave out so much positive energy it almost
scared me at first. I hate to say it, but at first I doubted him, and I
thought he was I denial about his illness and about death. I thought that
the only reason that he was saying these things was because he could not
bear to think about his deadly disease. But I realized that I could learn
so many wonderful things about life from this new perspective. And I
became interested in his happiness as I reflected on my nothingness.
I became very interested in the way Jake seemed to soak up
everything in life. He seemed to become a much deeper person. His
appreciation of art, music and poetry had flourished. I went to the
library and got two books by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, an expert on the
process of death and dying. these books focused on helping people to
live fuller lives until they die. They helped me greatly in my search for
the answer to my question.
“…When human beings have the courage to face their own
finiteness and come to grips with that deepest agony, questioning,
turmoil and pain- they emerge as new people. They begin to converse
with God, or the Source, or whatever you want to call it, and a new kind
of existence begins for them. These patients often become poets; they
become creative beyond all expectations, far beyond what their
educational backgrounds prepared them for. … The reason for all this
emerging creativity in patients is the fact that we all have many hidden
gifts within our own being that are all too frequently drowned in the
negative and materialistic struggles on which we spend so much of our
precious energy. Once we are able to get rid of our fears, once we have
the courage to change from negative rebellion to positive
nonconformism, once we have the faith in our own abilities to rise above
fear, shame, guilt and negativity – we emerge as much more creative and
much freer souls.”
In Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ book To Live until we say Goodbye, she
features a woman named Beth who is dying of cancer. Beth spent much
of her time writing poems and music in her diary. She allowed these
poems to be published after her death. One particular poem stuck in my
head.
“Death is staring too long into the burning sun and the relief of
entering a cool dark room.” I feel that this poem shows her courage to
look at death as a positiv
She is obviously at peace with herself and ready for her transition to
death.
A few weeks later Jake called to see how my paper was coming.
He told me that if there was one thing that he would want me to have in
my paper it would be the fact that his attitude about life doesn’t only
apply to people who are dying. He explained that all he can do now is
live every minute that he has. And that no one knows how much time
that they have in this world definitely so why not make each moment
mean something? He feels that each person should live their life the way
that they want it. He says that he wishes that he had started living like
this years ago. I felt that was worth putting in my paper.
Another view that I really learned about while writing this paper is
the idea that death is not just a negative thing. In fact many wonderful
emotions and bonding occur along with death. When a loved one is lost,
there is a great deal of sadness, love, connecting, appreciation,
celebration, and remembering. Regardless of religious beliefs, there is
also a comforting closure to a life and it can in fact be a beautiful thing.
In cases where the death is expected, families are able to prepare and
share their love and forgiveness with one another. And after a person
has died, their loved ones are able to celebrate their life, share memories
and become closer. Exiting life, as entering it can be a beautiful and
magical thing.
Next, I went on the internet to find information about people
coping with death. Unfortunately, there were 1,967 websites that had
something to do with this topic. As I read through them, I realized that
they had really nothing to offer me. It took forever and it was a
tremendous waste of time. There were several websites however, that
had information about support groups for people with terminal illnesses.
I spoke to my mother about these support groups because she was
involved in one with her cousin who was dying of AIDS. She had a lot
of pamphlets on how these groups help people prepare for death. She
explained that the most important thing that these groups do for people is
help them to forgive themselves, give them compassion and
companionship, experience what they want and need to, make amends
with things that they feel they have left undone and to realize that death
is an inevitable yet comforting part of life.
There are very few things in life that are definite. There is a
famous saying, “All you have to do in life is pay taxes and die.” But for
something in life that is so definite so many people live their lives
without really thinking about it. I have discovered that it is so uncertain
and so unfathomable that people try to avoid thinking about it. The idea
that life will cease to exist is something that is hard to understand. It is
in fact, strange. The only thing that I can think to compare it to is a
dream. Something that seems to be on the other side of reality. Beth,
the woman in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ book that I referred to earlier in my
paper, wrote a poem about this.
“Love is
Honeycolored Laughter
Ambercoloerd Laughter
Scarlet swings against a backdrop of freshly fallen snow.
It does
Strange
things
like
Dying.”
The process of writing this paper taught me a great deal about life
and of course death. I have a new way of appreciating my future and all
the things that I have in my life. Although sometimes I fall back into my
old ways and wish the time away. It is definitely happening less often. I
am starting to notice the softness of my bed, the music that I love and the
people that matter to me all take on a new meaning now. I can get
satisfaction in things that I never really thought about before. I think it
has caused me to become even more sensitive than before. This paper
may seem strange to a conventional person and believer but for me, I
really feel that I have answered my question.
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