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First Love Pathway To Adulthood Essay Research

First Love: Pathway To Adulthood Essay, Research Paper


First Love: Pathway to Adulthood


Love is one of the strongest emotions that a human being can feel. It


can arise ever so suddenly, spreading a feeling of warm happiness through every


inch of a person; like wildfire spreading through a tree. But as the feelings


become more intense, the flame of passion can turn into a blazing fire that


burns painfully through every vein. A person’s first love is especially


powerful because it grows from an innocent, na?ve passion. Such was the case


for both Vladimir, in Turgenev’s First Love, and Tatyana, in Pushkin’s Eugene


Onegin. The first experience of unrequited love for Vladimir and Tatyana was


filled with these raptures and tribulations, which, although left them broken


hearted, gave them the strength and maturity needed to become adults.


Throughout the genre of First Love, Vladimir was shown to be completely


swooped up in overwhelming emotion for Zinaida. Vladimir was entranced with her


beauty from the moment he first saw her, “I gazed at her, and how dear she


already was to me , and how near. It seemed to me that I had known her for a


long time, and that before her I had known nothing and had not lived?. (33)”


Vladimir was in love at the first sight of her. He couldn’t help himself from


becoming infatuated with her because he didn’t know the first thing about love.


As the genre moves on, Vladimir’s feelings for Zinaida became deeper and deeper.


Vladimir thought to himself:


I felt weary and at peace, but the image of Zinaida still hovered triumphant


over my soul, though even this image seemed more tranquil. Like a swan rising


from the grasses of the marsh, it stood out from the unlovely shapes which


surrounded it, and I, as I fell asleep, in parting for the last time clung to it,


in trusting adoration. (48)


Vladimir allows himself to become completely wrapped up in Zinaida to the point


where it becomes an obsession. He is in love with her so much that he even


envisions himself rescuing her, as if from any other man: “I saw a vision of


myself saving her from the hands of her enemies: I imagined how, covered with


blood, I tore her from the very jaws of some dark dungeon and then died at her


feet (71-72).” Vladimir was so lost in love for Zinaida that he fantasized


about her in order to make their love seem real. Although Vladimir’s obsessive


love for Zinaida brought wonderful emotions, it also brought the pain and


suffering of jealousy and rejection.


The raptures that Vladimir experienced went hand in hand with the


tribulations of love:


I say that my passion began from that day; and I might add that my suffering


began on that day too. In Zinaida’s absence I pined: I could not concentrate: I


could not do the simplest thing. For whole days I did nothing but think


intensely about her. I pined away, but her presence brought me no relief. I


was jealous and felt conscious of my worthlessness. I was stupidly sulky, and


stupidly abject; (52)


As a result of his obsession, Vladimir became a basket case who could do nothing


for himself. By allowing himself to become so wrapped up in her, he no longer


had any feelings of self worth. The conflicting feelings of passion and pain


struck fear into him:


It was a queer, feverish period; the most violently conflicting feelings,


thoughts, suspicions, hopes, joys, pains, tossed and whirled within me in a kind


of mad chaos: I was afraid of looking into myself, if a boy of sixteen can be


said to do such a thing; I was afraid to face anything – whatever it might be -


cons

ciously. (92).


This innocent fear of looking into himself was what ultimately led to Vladimir’s


utter sorrow of finding out about the love between Zinaida and his father: “The


sudden revelation crushed me; all was ended. In one swoop all my flowers were


torn up by the roots and lay about me – scattered, broken, trampled underfoot


(94).” Vladimir, unknowingly, set himself up to be hurt badly by not seeing


that the relationship between him and Zinaida was merely platonic, in her eyes.


But Vladimir eventually realized how childish his love was and thus shed his


innocence: “I had suddenly grown much older, and my love, with all its violent


excitements and its torments, now seemed even to me so very puny and childish


and trivial? (102)”


Tatyana experienced these same feelings of rapturous emotion in her love


for Eugene Onegin. “And in her heart the thought was planted?/ Until at last


her fate was granted:/ She fell in love. For thus indeed/ Does spring awake the


buried seed (60).” Like Vladimir, Tatyana fell very deeply for Eugene and lived


day to day on an emotional love high. She gave herself completely to him, as if


he was her only guardian: “Tatyana’s love is deep and true:/ She yields without


conditions, boldly–/ As sweet and trusting children do (69).” Tatyana was


accurately characterized as a needy child who placed her whole life in the hands


of a man who didn’t want her. Although this gave her a feeling of happiness


and security, at first, pain and suffering soon follow.


When Eugene rejected Tatyana’s hand in marriage, Tatyana falls into a


deep depression which affects the rest of her life. The initial reaction to his


rejection was one of devastation for her. “Within her heart the frenzied


beating/ Coursed on and never ceased to press/ Her gentle soul, athirst with


aching;/ Nay, ever more intensely quaking,/ Poor Tanya burns in joyless throes;/


Sleep shuns her bed, all sweetness goes,/ The glow of life has vanished starkly


(93);” It was as if Eugene had ripped her heart out and smashed it to pieces.


This agony continued on even when Eugene left the country. Tatyana’s obsession


with him was so intense that she tried to find consolation in his empty home.


But she only fell deeper in pain: “And once inside that silent study,/ Sealed


off at last from everybody,/ The world for just a time forgot,/ Tatyana wept and


mourned her lot? (166)” Tatyana’s pain temporarily subsided when she went to


Moscow and married, but, when Eugene shows up, her emotions cannot be controlled.


Tatyana tried to resist Eugene, at first, but, when she read his letter of love,


she fell to pieces:


Quite unadorned, her face gone white/ Above some letter that she’s reading–/


And cheek in hand as down she peers,/ She softly sheds a flood of tears./ In


that brief instant then, who couldn’t/ Have read her tortured heart at last!/


And in the princess then, who wouldn’t/ Have known poor Tanya from the past!


(206-207)


Even after years of being away from Eugene, Tatyana’s first love was still very


prominent in her mind. But Tatyana, having matured, did not allow her emotions


to control her. By politely declining to go with Eugene, she showed that she is


no longer the weak child that he was able to toy with before.


Although the first loves of both Vladimir and Tatyana were very


emotionally trying, the experience allowed them to make the transition from


innocent youth to enlightened adulthood. The feelings associated with love


range from the highest highs to the lowest lows, but only the experience of a


first love can allow someone to control these emotions.

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