I Never Sang For My Father: An Essential Emotion Essay, Research Paper
An Essential Emotion
Obstacles appear whenever an individuals attempts to accomplish any goal. The majority
of these obstacles can be overcome; nevertheless, there are some hurdles in life which are now
and will never be able to be mastered. Gene Garrison from Robert Anderson’s I Never Sang for
My Father strives to conquer his innate inability to love his father Tom, however, is constantly
impeded by his ambivalent feelings towards this domineering “old man(689).” Trapped in an
emotional obligation to uphold his roll as the “dutiful son (690),” Gene is forced to show false
affection. The figure Gene has been seduced to play, feels he must serve and appreciate his
father, yet the magnitude of his resentment towards this man forbids him to ever develop a true
love for him. This enveloping emotion of indignation pushes Gene into an unconquerable “static
emotional impasse.”
The relationship between father and son assumed to be sacred. This appellation is
supposed to indicate a loving relationship created and endured by choice, a pure affection. Gene,
as the dutiful son, feels the necessity to love his father, but is unable to force the feeling of this
deep emotional sentiment upon himself with the sole excuse of obligation. He compares the
feelings he holds for his mother to the ones holds for his father. Never will he be able to say
they are the same or even close to equal. “Mothers are soft and yielding. Fathers are hard and
rough to teach…the way of the world (689).” He tried time and again to win his father’s affection
and make him realize the possibility of the emergence from the hard and rough world fathers
supposedly live within to a world filled with open emotion and devotion. This apathetic
relationship was not the first time in Garrison history which lack of love was a problem, perhaps
this solitude was all that Tom knew. Tom’s father was his “mortal enemy (692)” and the
thought of his presence within his early life always disturbed his childhood memories. People
only know what they have been taught by others. Tom learned not to feel any compassion
towards the father he loathed; yet, still acquired the behavioral traits he had despised. With
these traits it was impossible for Gene to ever overcome his bitterness for Tom and ultimately
love him, the same pattern Tom and his father had followed. Tom felt to show any type of
sensitivity would show weakness, therefore, never once did he express to Gene any type of
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only tolerated him for his mother’s happiness. Gene “loved his mother [and] wanted to love
[his] father. (652)”
“A son is not supposed to make his [parents] life,(681)” only be there to receive love and
give love, to bring happiness, solidity, and unity to a family through devotion, not to be
depended upon. After the death of his mother Gene needed more than ever to feel his father’s
love. Gene whole-heartedly felt “the absence of his father, “ he felt “incomplete, deprived” and
did “not want to let [his] father die a stranger, (689)” yet, “from the moment [Gene] was born a
boy, [he was] a threat to this man and his enemy (689).” Tom needed to feel bigger and better at
every thing than Gene was. He had to feel superior. Tom constantly mentioned the things Gene
valued in contempt. The only time he was proud of Gene was when his son “gave him an
extension of himself he could boast about, with his phony set of values (689).” Tom merely
brought Gene up the same callous way he was raised, as a man, a man who had to be the best at
everything in order to prove himself. Even the inconsequential fact that Gene had hair on his
chest and Tom never did, bothered him. Out of duty, Gene stayed around and tried to help his
father. Almost his entire life Gene was too scared to stand up to his father because the moment
he did, Tom would “lash out at [him] with his sarcasm, and that [would] kill [the] lovely,
necessary image [Gene had of himself] as the good son. (688)”
Gene did not know why the love of his father was so important to him. Tom claimed that
he “never wanted to be a burden to [his]children (687)” yet the dependency and lack of love
deeply burdened Gene, perhaps more than if Tom would have showed his emotion. A child
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cannot grow with out love. There was a hole in Gene’s life which could only be filled Tom’s
love. The devoted son “in [Gene ] want[ed] to extend some kind of mercy to [his] old man.
[Gene] never had a father. [He] ran away from him. [Tom] ran away from [Gene] (689),” and
depressingly they were never able to find each other. “Death ends a life, but it does not end a
relationship, which struggles on in the survivor’s mind toward some final resolution, some clear
meaning, which it perhaps never finds (652).” Tom’s death left Gene with a great void always to
be felt in his life and with the knowledge that the accomplishment of his lifelong goal to love his
father was unobtainable.