Determine A Friend Essay, Research Paper
determine a friend
Finding out who someone really is can be a very difficult thing to do. Knowing who some one is inside and out takes time and dedication. I learned that there are a few key factors when getting to know who some one really is. Character determination of a friend can be based on three things, honesty, trust, conflicts, and how they are resolved . The book a separate peace by John Knowles deals with all of these issues in the case of friendship. You can use these three factors to see how good of a friend a person can be, and determine there true character.
All through the fifteen years I?ve lived this life there has always been one redundant term told over and over. Honesty is key, and if your talking about a friendship that ?s true. If you don?t have honesty you don?t have anything to base your relationship on. Being honest to a good friend should be subconscious, and if it?s not then I wouldn?t consider them a good friend. You shouldn?t have to struggle with a friend to be honest. In a Separate peace Finny is always honest and speaks his mind. Gene on the other hand comes across honest, but you can never really tell. He should not have told Finny that he jostled the limb on purpose if he wasn?t even sure himself. In the movie Dead Poet Society each and every group member was honest to each other, and that?s why they were the best of friends. Also, they learned to think honestly by themselves from their teacher through ways of poetry. Much like how Finny learned honesty through sportsmanship. Without knowing if Gene is honest or not, Finny and the members of the Dead Poet Society would have made much better friends.
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These friends where honest, and therefore could trust each other. Trust each other to resolve conflicts and become stronger friends.
Conflicts are another way to determine someones true character. When a conflict occurs you can see what they do and how they react to the situation. Like when someone is cornered, and in danger of losing their life. Those animal instincts are a great way to see who some one really is. In a separate peace Gene deals with his conflicts by not talking about them and pushing his feeling down till they are gone. When talking to Finny or anyone would have been exactly what was needed. Conflicts are a natural part of friendship, but it is how you resolve them that will determine your future relationship. In a separate peace Gene chooses not to resolve the problem between him and Finny, and therefore damages the relationship in time. Someone who chooses not to work things out usually does not make the best friend.
Changes in character can also occur in the process of conflicts. Physical and mental wars can do this easily. Gene fought a mental war with himself over the tree inciden
Trust is a very important concept when dealing with friends. If you doubt trust in one of your friends then I would doubt the friendship. To find trust you must go with your instincts. The denotation of trust is a person whom someone knows, likes and t
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trust. So to be a friend you have to trust a friend. To have trust you must first have the important factor of honesty. You can?t have one without the other. To be trusted you must be honest. Trust between Gene and Finny can be questionable. Before the accident They had trust in each other, but not so much after. Finny could not trust Gene because he thought that he was lieing about his fault, and Gene couldn?t trust Finny because he didn?t trust him. After all this dishonesty and lack of trust the friendship went down hill.
Trust can make or break a friendship, and like Gene and Finny it mostly breaks it. Firm reliance on integrity can be a tough thing to live up to when your honesty is being questioned, and that is why relationships fail. It was because of trust that the members of the Dead Poet Society were such good friends. So you can see how trust is a balance much like resolving conflicts and honesty can be.
Trust, Honesty and Resolving conflicts are the main branches when you try to determine someone as a friend. Use These three things to work on, help, or start a friendship. That way you can see how good of a friend someone can be. To help other relationships you can use them to see how good of a friend you are, and what you can do to better the situation. In a separate peace Gene and Finny had all the main aspects of a friendship, and it was a strong one. This changed when Finny lost trust in Gene, and thought he was being dishonest about making him fall out of the tree. After that Gene lost trust in Finny for not believing him, and there whole friendship started to plummet. Though the change doesn?t always have to be negative. It can change just as much for good as it can bad, like in the Dead Poet Society , and the great relationship they all had. So you can see how the issues of trust, honesty and how you deal with them can determine a true friend.
Bibliography
separate peace John Knowles